Let's start with exciting news that hit Facebook earlier this week!
My therapy office has officially moved to Horsham, PA! It’s a beautiful space and my wheels are turning on lots of new workshops and groups to launch as the fall begins.
Have some specific needs you’re looking for support around? Head here and let me know, so I can develop content and experiences to support you!
Ok, quick story for you!
As I planned the move I decided what I absolutely needed was a farmhouse table for the new space. After doing some research, Google and Pinterest told me that building a table wouldn’t be all that hard (ladies, why does Pinterest always do this to me!?).
Naturally, I set my mind on building one. I reassured my husband that it’d be a super quick project and that with our brains combined we could totally do it.
Well, we did it (enter fist pump here)!
Was it quick?
Did it test our communication skills and frustration tolerance?
Turns out the project I anticipated *and promised* taking 6 hours tops (LOL) took a little over a week.
And did it turn out as flawless as I imagined?
And the fact that it wasn’t perfect, was SERIOUSLY driving me crazy!
As I put the last coat of polyurethane on the table, I found myself sighing at the gaps, regretting the wood filler I used and wondering how in the world anyone could take me, their therapist, seriously if I had an imperfect farmhouse table in my new office.
Badasses, the drive for perfection is a strong one, am I right!?
As I continued to beat myself up for the imperfections of my new table I realized I had fallen into the pattern I’ve found myself in so many other times in my life.
Recognize imperfection —> judge —> beat self up —> feel like a failure —> rinse and repeat.
And even further, I realized that lately, my inner critic had been talking TONS of shit. About just about everything! And I was buying into allllll of it.
The table was just the icing on the cake.
Because I was stressed. I was insanely anxious. I was a bit afraid. I was about to make an epic change for my business.
All cues for my inner critic to run rampant. And, it had gone unchecked for a good couple of weeks. So it was loud as heck!
SO, what did I do?
- I paused long enough to recognize exactly what was going on and how I was treating myself. I took the time to pinpoint the exact feelings that were driving my self-talk.
- I took a few long deep breaths to recenter myself. I considered if continuing to beat myself up over my table (and everything else) was in alignment with feeling grounded and excited about my upcoming transition.
- I took some time to journal about why my inner critic was spouting off at the mouth. What was she trying to protect me from? How could leaning into my fear, feeling it for all that it was (instead of avoiding it like the plague) help me move through it? What lessons could I pull from this experience?
- I offered myself serious compassion and kindness- about my table, about my never ending drive to create and not giving up when things get tough.
- I allowed myself to recognize why I was jumping to drastic conclusions... without any self-judgement attached. Was I being a bit dramatic? Maybe! But that's ok... because #humancondition and #effperfection
- I called a close friend- one of my sacred, safe, people- and shared exactly what was going on in my head. I asked for support, reassurance and a reality check. And, that’s exactly what she gave me.
Did I automatically feel better?
But, bringing all of this into awareness helped inform the way I carried on in preparing for my move, finished up my table and in the way I showed up for myself when I was feeling particularly worried or afraid.
I’m sharing this with you because it’s so easy for ALL of us to switch into auto-pilot and lose sight of how our emotional states are driving our relationship with ourselves and our actual states of being.
Do you find yourself getting down on yourself pretty frequently?
Give these strategies a try next time you realize you’re caught in a self-talk feedback loop from hell.
- What are you telling yourself?
- What are the emotions behind these messages?
- What else could your inner critic be trying to protect you from?
- Offer yourself compassion and kindness- call out your strengths.
- Confide in someone you trust- a family member, a friend or your therapist. Ask them them for what you need in that moment- to help you reframe, or just listen if what you’re looking for is empathy and understanding.
How does that sit with you?
The more you practice, the more natural it'll feel.
From my perfectly imperfect farmhouse table…
Talk to you soon!
I'm a self-love, body image and eating disorder therapist in Horsham, PA.
I help women and teen girls to make peace with their minds, bodies and food and learn how to see, appreciate and love all that they are.
I specialize in binge eating and helping women learn how to stop dieting and really start living.
Questions? Get in touch here!