ACA Laundry List Through the Lens of a Trauma Therapist
Here at Reclaim Therapy we view trauma symptoms as adaptive strategies that were once necessary for survival.
The strategies that were most helpful are the ones that often stick with us and show up in the present.
It makes sense when they did such an excellent job in the past. The challenge is that these strategies may not necessarily be useful in the present and may actually cause more suffering.
Because every ACA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic/Addict) story is unique, no two ACAs will have developed the same set of strategies, or symptoms.
In the 12-step program literature for ACAs, there is a well-known document, called the “Laundry List” which outlines 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. ACAs may resonate with all of these, some of these, or none at all.
Regardless, it can be an important document to begin exploring strategies you may have developed as an ACA (whether or not they appear on this list).
Below we’ve categorized some of the 14 Traits of an ACA into trauma responses (natural nervous system responses to overwhelming experiences).
These laundry list traits can fall into more than one category (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, attach).
It’s not a perfect science because all of our experiences and nervous system responses are unique to us.
Fight
We become addicted to excitement (also flight) .
Fight energy exists in excitement/drama/chaos. In fight mode, we tend to feel increased heart rate and rapid breathing much of which can be found in excitement, chaos, and drama.
This fight energy becomes familiar and therefore, for some feels “addictive”. The fight part of us might seek out chaos, drama, and excitement to feel that “rush”.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. (also flight)
The first part of this statement aligns closely with a fight response.
When faced with overwhelm, stress, or anxiety, it makes sense that we might take action (fight) by taking responsibility for others problems.
For some, this may have been protective in the past because, by taking responsibility and being concerned with others, it could’ve allowed us to feel some sense of relief in knowing “I’m doing something”.
Flight
We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. (also freeze)
Flight is essentially an escape strategy. We may have used isolation as a way to escape real threats of danger in the past.
Isolation may show up in the present even when those real threats of danger no longer exist.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc(also fight)
We may become overly concerned with others needs as a way to flee from our own:
challenging emotions. Flight often includes avoidance of feeling which makes sense
when feeling may have, at one point in time, been too dangerous.
We become addicted to excitement (also fight)
The same “excitement” explored in the fight section may, over time, turn into a mode of escape. Drugs, alcohol, drama, etc. are powerful tools for escaping the present which means escaping emotions that seem too scary to feel.
We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
There are so many ways we shove our emotions down.
Dissociation, a part of the “flight” response is a common strategy for avoiding emotions that seem threatening.
Dissociating in childhood was a protective strategy because experiencing and expressing emotions may have been too dangerous.
Freeze
We become isolated and afraid of people and authority figures(also flight).
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism (also flight, also fawn/submit).
Angry people, personal criticism, and authority figures may all evoke a freeze response where we become physically and mentally immobilized.
In the past freezing in the face of anger, personal criticism, and authority may have been lifesaving for those who needed to “stay quiet” to stay safe.
Fawn (Submit)
We become approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
When fight, flight, freeze aren’t viable options, fawning may be the next strategy.
Fawning is a form of people-pleasing, an attempt to keep another person happy. It makes sense that this strategy would develop if a child learns that “when my caregiver is happy, I feel safer”.
By seeking approval, we may be attempting to please another person to avoid perceived threats of danger.
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism (also flight, also freeze).
Personal criticism, or fears of it, may evoke a fawning response as a way to avoid further criticism at all costs.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others (fawn/submit).
Fawning can also be thought of as “submission”. Giving into others needs, as a way to people-please, may have been an effective strategy for staying safe. It may be a strategy that isn’t as necessary in the present, but it’s stuck around.
When we don’t give in to others, the guilty part of us might arise because it feels threatened.
Attach
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
The attach response can be thought of as the child’s “cry for help”.
Crying for help as a child is an incredibly important strategy to ensure survival needs are met. In the present, the attach response may show up as doing anything to hold onto relationships due to the intense fear of abandonment.
As stated before, you may resonate with some of these, all of these, or none at all and that is more than okay.
What’s most important is the recognition that nothing is wrong or bad about experiencing the very normal nervous system responses as a result of childhood trauma.
If it feels helpful to journal a bit on this, you may consider the following questions:
Which laundry list statements resonate with me?
Which laundry list statements do not resonate with me?
What are some of the strategies I’ve developed as an ACA (not on the list) that shows up in the present?
What are some things I can say to myself to invite in a bit more kindness/curiosity about my experience?
My name is Abby Albright and I’m a trauma therapist who specializes in working with adult children of alcoholics.
At Reclaim Therapy, we are here to support you if you are an ACA hoping to explore the impacts that childhood trauma has had on you.
I, or a member of our team, would love to walk alongside you on your unique healing journey.
🧡,
Reclaim Therapy is a specializes trauma therapy practice that treats eating disorders, body image concerns, complex PTSD and PTSD.
We believe that you are worthy of reclaiming YOU from the impact of trauma, disordered eating and body-shame.