Reclaim You- To Resolution or Not Resolution in 2024
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In this episode, Sarah and Emily discuss New Year's resolutions and the mixed feelings people have towards them.
They explore the pressure and hype surrounding resolutions and the unrealistic expectations that often come with them. They also discuss the low success rate of resolutions and the importance of setting realistic and sustainable goals. Sarah and Emily emphasize the need to understand one's motivations and to focus on the internal process rather than external outcomes. They give permission to not set resolutions and encourage listeners to honor their own needs and reflect on their experiences.
Takeaways:
New Year's resolutions can be both loved and hated, and it's important to understand one's own feelings towards them.
The pressure and hype surrounding resolutions often lead to unrealistic expectations and can be discouraging.
Setting realistic and sustainable goals is key to achieving resolutions. It's important to understand one's motivations and focus on the internal process rather than external outcomes.
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy! To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team head to https://www.reclaimtherapy.org.
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[00:01] Sarah: Hi there.
[00:01] Sarah: Welcome to reclaim you, a podcast published by the Reclaim therapy team. Join us as we share stories, tools, and insights on how to reclaim you in the wake of trauma, disordered eating and body shame. Grab your coffee, tea, or your favorite snack and get cozy because we're about to dive in.
[00:19] Sarah: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to reclaim you. Today, Laura and I are talking about our team's holiday get together and which restaurant to choose.
[00:29] Laura: So many options.
[00:30] Sarah: Yeah. And along that line, we're also talking about food and the holidays. Yeah.
[00:38] Laura: Delicious.
[00:39] Sarah: Delicious. And overwhelming for lots of people.
[00:42] Laura: And overwhelming indeed. Yeah, for sure. Tough time of year for many.
[00:48] Sarah: Yeah, that's for sure. That's for sure. I was thinking about that last night as one of my neighbors brought over cookies. There's a street wide cookie exchange that kind of happens in our neighborhood every year and just kind of reflecting how years ago that would have been very overwhelming for me to have people showing up at my house with loads of cookies. So shout out to recovery for doing good work.
[01:16] Laura: Yes. Reclaiming those holiday cookies and desserts and meals and stuff. For sure.
[01:22] Sarah: Yeah. So where should we start in all of this with the holiday food? How hard it can be, how to navigate it?
[01:31] Laura: Yeah. For me, I think the first step is just to normalize the experience. Right. Like, let's just own that. This, for many of us, is a challenging time of year, and depending on where we're at in our recovery, we might find it more or less challenging. But even those of us who are further along the road might still find ourselves challenged by this time of year in some way, shape or form. Right. So, yeah. When I think about that, know that, a, you're not alone and that there certainly is support available. Seek out your recovery team for support. Seek out, if you have support groups that you're in or there's free ones that are available through various different places, it might be a time to sort of up the support. Right. But I think in general, it's also just getting back to the basics.
[02:23] Sarah: Yes.
[02:25] Laura: Often we want this magic wand. Like, what's the thing I have to do to make the holidays? And it's like I say, stay the course. Stay the course. So it's about taking care of you, putting your recovery first, meeting your needs, and doing what you can to not be derailed by the anxiety and the other distress that comes up at this time of year. And if you are derailed a little, having those supports to come back to the basics, to come back to places that feel more safe during this time.
[02:58] Sarah: Yeah, I'm thinking just how important that is. The basics. When it's the abundance of food. Right. The people showing up on your doorstep with cookies know the traditions that feel overwhelming because of what they include. And then that colliding with what Abby and I talked about last week, the dysfunctional family dynamics that can also be in your face this time of year. Yeah. Coming back to the basics feels like a really just safe place to be.
[03:24] Laura: Yeah. I like to remind myself and others, we've got this right. The tools that we're going to use are no different than tools we've used in other situations. We might have to work a little harder to access them, but they are there and they're available to us because we've done a lot of work around it. If we're further along, if we're not, hopefully we have the supports in place to help us in the moment, utilize the tools that we need. And I think when I talk about not getting derailed, it's also about not shifting things willingly in response to, oh, I ate too much or, oh, I have this party coming up and I know there's going to be all this food and I can't trust myself there. So I'm going to starve myself and restrict until I get to the party or in the aftermath, I'm going to go to the gym for 2 hours and I have to burn this many calories. I mean, we could go on and on, right? Like all of that stuff I say to folks, I would be surprised if you're not triggered. I would be surprised if some of things aren't coming up. I would be surprised if you don't have the urge to use symptoms in the wake of the challenges of this season. And so let's just accept that. Let's just own that and be okay with it. Like, okay. It doesn't mean I'm a failure in recovery. It doesn't mean that I can't come back to my center, come back to the basics, and every time that I have one of those urges that I have to manage, I'm strengthening those muscles. Right. I'm strengthening those tools and my ability to use them. So in a way, there's a lot of opportunity.
[05:04] Sarah: Absolutely. And I think what's important, too, is just keeping your eyes open this time of year. Eyes open around diet, culture lures, talk of fad diets, talk of things that you should be doing, could be doing how to save your health. Right. It's all abundant this time of year, preying off of stress, anxiety, the dysfunction, everything that comes along with the holiday season in the new year, it's going to be there. And so just watch out for it. Look out for people who are preying on your insecurities. Right. Because that is abundant, for sure.
[05:43] Laura: I mean, in our staff gathering the other day, I had to share, I was so irritated by a news story that was on earlier that day centered on this new diet fad called water fasting. And some folks might have seen information about this, but it really is an example. I mean, it bothered me that this heavily restrictive and in no way, shape or form helpful fad, if you will, this helpful. It's not a tool. Right? Like, it's a way to punish yourself in a lot of ways was being touted as like, oh, this is going to do all these wonderful things for me and this could cure me of cancer. And I mean, really going to the nth degree to sell something that when push comes to shove, seven days of just drinking water. I mean, yes, your body can survive that, but what kinds of damage are being done not only physically, but also to your mental and emotional health?
[06:43] Sarah: Yeah.
[06:43] Laura: And be mindful of the people who are sharing this information. Are they credentialed? If they are credentialed, are they aligned with what we know works in eating disorder recovery, like intuitive eating health at every size, really, that idea of learning to trust and listen to our bodies versus putting in some sort of rigid program that's going to get us through things to be successful. So, yeah, all of these crash diets, bad diets, things like that can come up and exercise regimes to get through the holidays. Right. And then on the heels of that comes New Year's and we are just inundated. So it's a tough time. And this work continues into the new year.
[07:27] Sarah: Yeah, absolutely. So the collision of all of these things. Back to basics. Let's talk about the basics.
[07:33] Laura: Yeah, back to basics.
[07:35] Sarah: Back to basics.
[07:37] Laura: Yeah. First and foremost, are you eating enough? Are you nourishing your body? Are you giving your body what it needs to have the energy it needs to do the things you need to do throughout the day? And, oh, by the way, to deal with the additional items that need to be done, the additional stressors that are coming up. Right. So not only am I doing my daily routine, but I have to go to these parties, or I have to go shopping and buy these gifts, or I have to go out and get the Christmas tree with the kids? And how many of us are just exhausted throughout the season, completely exhausted by Christmas or kwanzaa or hanukkah or just by a natural time where we might have off during the year, whether or not we celebrate anything, we find ourselves exhausted and often getting sick, not able to enjoy things. So let's come back to the things that we've learned around. Am I getting enough food? Right? Am I listening to my body? Am I hearing hunger cues? Am I in touch with fullness cues? Am I skipping meals? Am I intentionally, or perhaps on some subconscious level, restricting? And why might I be doing that? Am I not listening to fullness and eating more out of some sort of emotional distress? Right. So it's coming back to that balance of nourishing the body and listening deeply to our bodies around hunger and fullness, and then beyond that, to try and enjoy the food. I mean, this time of year, there are certain foods that we don't eat any other time of year. So is there a way that if you enjoy that food, let yourself enjoy it? If you have a little bit more, that's okay. If you have a lot more, that's okay? I mean, this is a time, and we say it's the holidays. Well, quite frankly, it shouldn't just be the holidays where we give ourselves permission to enjoy the things that we like, but certainly at the holidays we can.
[09:40] Sarah: Absolutely. Yeah. Because so much is tied to a lot of times, the traditional food that people have, every family, is different in their traditions. Right. And how nostalgic that can be and how it can bring people into connection with folks who they've lost or who aren't in their lives anymore. Right. It can be a really important time of celebration, and food can lead us.
[10:00] Laura: Into that part of our ritual. It's part of our lived experience of these times of year. And we do not have to cut food out in order to learn to enjoy this season.
[10:14] Sarah: Absolutely. And for folks, too, who are in early recovery, I think some of the basics could even include this idea of a flexible structure of feeding yourself regularly every few hours just because your hunger and fullness cues might not be online or fully present, or you might not be accustomed to feeling into them, or it might not even feel safe to feel into them. So that flexibility of having some structure that is not rigid in any way, but just guides you back into yourself to see what's there and to honor that you need to eat. Most people need to eat every few hours, right?
[10:52] Laura: Yeah. It's important.
[10:54] Sarah: Yeah.
[10:55] Laura: And I often encounter folks, especially this time of year, because they're exhausted and they're anticipating holiday parties at work or holiday parties in the evening. They skip breakfast. That's often the first thing that goes. And if we really get back to basics, like when you awake in the morning, within that first, I don't know, hour or two of waking, can you give yourself something to eat? And we're not judging what that is, right. We're just allowing our bodies to get some fuel, to get some nourishment so that we can step into our day. And breakfast is so often skipped by so many folks with whom I work. And then once we skip it, once we skip it again, and then it becomes this habit and we sort of, like, now we're taking ourselves back.
[11:42] Sarah: Yeah, absolutely.
[11:43] Laura: Enjoy giving your body what it needs for the day. Let yourself honor that need. Even if you can't quite read it yet, feel it yet, intuit it yet, we know it's a need. So let's do that. To start. And then you get your day started right. Then it's like starting that pattern, that habit, that sort of experience, that normalization of eating throughout the day, if you will.
[12:10] Sarah: Yeah, it's like this bid for relationship in some ways, with your body, with yourself, with recovery of, like, I might not actually feel this, but I'm just going to make this bid to myself, for myself, for connection and honoring.
[12:23] Laura: Yeah, it is for sure. I think that also comes back to making sure you have access to foods that you know you can easily quickly grab to eat because it's busy foods that you know you like. So you're not like scarfing down something that you don't like and making that a miserable experience and taking the time to eat. Right. Like, if we are busy, even if you only have a few minutes to eat, how can we practice some intentionality and mindfulness in that? Even, like, let's take a few breaths, let's just get a little grounded and then we're going to eat. And just that little practice, it doesn't take long. It's not only a way to sort of honor the process of consuming food, if you will, but it's also a way to just honor the needs of our holistic selves, to pause, to breathe, to reset throughout the day. I love meals or times of day when we eat, and we each have our own pattern, right? But they are this wonderful opportunity for us to combine them with some grounding, some resetting. And I think that that goes hand in hand with, if we look at some different cultural exercises in which we engage praying or sitting in silence, being grateful for the food before us, that's a practice that many different faith traditions and many different cultures participate in. And in a way, that practice starts to align us with a more positive relationship with food, but also gives us space to breathe throughout our day and not become so overwhelmed.
[14:00] Sarah: So bring it down a notch or two.
[14:03] Laura: Yeah. And that's all we need. Right. I say to folks, the volume is up a ten, and we want to learn how to turn it down to zero. But in a perfect world, great. Typically we got to a ten over years of stuff happening and not learning how to cope. So we're not going to turn a ten to a zero or a two even. Right. So can we notch whatever volume we're at down just a hair, just a little bit here and there? And if you do that throughout the day, then you find, oh, wow, I can feel a bit more level throughout the day. I'm not as up and down.
[14:40] Sarah: Yeah.
[14:41] Laura: So can food. And the different meals in which we engage throughout the day, can those be paired with that opportunity to bring it down, get grounded?
[14:54] Sarah: Yeah, I love that. I love that idea.
[14:57] Laura: I'm all about economy of tools, if you will. Yes, I get that. We're busy, so let's put them all together if we can, but not overwhelm ourselves. Simplicity.
[15:08] Sarah: Right?
[15:08] Laura: Back to basics. But also let it be simple. It's not simple. Right. When we talk about what's going on inside of us, but there's a simplicity in coming back to the basics that is helpful.
[15:23] Sarah: It's like, can we make it easier to work less hard? Right. It's hard enough. Can we work a little less hard by just coming back to the basics? Yeah, because they work. Right. They work to sustain. Right. And to just kind of, like, hold, which is okay. Right?
[15:41] Laura: Yeah. And along with that, making sure that you're getting enough rest.
[15:47] Sarah: Right.
[15:48] Laura: That you're nourishing your body with food. Absolutely. But also, are you nourishing your body with rest? Are you nourishing your body with social engagement, with supportive people? Are you nourishing yourself with time alone? If that's what you need time for? Reflection. Yeah. Nature, being outside, taking in the beauty of this particular season of the year, wherever you live, and however that is. And then are you allowing your body to experience those things fully, to move through the day. Right. And not dictating that, oh, now I need to go to the gym or I need to over exercise in order to compensate for whatever I ate or what I might eat. But instead, this is where that idea of joyful movement, which is another one of the things we talk about in recovery, can really be helpful to let yourself get up and stretch a bit. Let your body just unwind and stretch. And again, if you're eating, you can sit down, you can get grounded, you can take some deep breaths. You can stretch in that moment to get some of that movement in, and then you can eat that food and you're creating this, hopefully positive experience that is holistically nourishing.
[17:08] Sarah: Yeah, it's like remembering that you have a body. Right. Like, feel what it feels like to be in your body. And stretching is such a beautiful example of that.
[17:15] Laura: Yeah, we all want to go straight to exercise and the gym and the treadmill and the peloton and the what have you. But something as simple as stretching, just letting your body wake up a little, letting your body sort of let go of some of that tension that might have built up can have wonderful, wonderful benefits.
[17:36] Sarah: Yeah. It's making me think of a recent session I had with my somatic experiencing practitioner. We were doing some work around, like, stretching my arms out, and I said something which we were both cracking up at afterwards of like, wow, it's like I actually have more contact with myself. And she was like, well, yeah. I was like, well, yeah, look at that. The stretching it does, it puts you right back in your body. It's so easy to forget.
[18:00] Laura: It is, yeah. We become so disconnected. And the noisier life is, the more disconnected we can become. And it's a noisy time of year.
[18:11] Sarah: Sure is. It sure is, yeah.
[18:14] Laura: So reconnection, support that holistic approach to nourishing oneself. Yeah. And celebrating the fact that we are embodied beings and our bodies are there not to be unsafe places, not to be scary places, though by virtue of our experiences, they may have become such. But our bodies, we can reclaim that sense of safety, security and pleasure and joy.
[18:45] Sarah: Yes.
[18:46] Laura: Especially with food. People talk about, oh, my gosh, I'm so stressed. I'm emotional eating. And, well, sometimes we eat emotionally. We're human.
[18:53] Sarah: Of course. Yeah. Like, thank God. Thank God you're doing something to cope.
[18:57] Laura: Yeah, sometimes we do that. And so rather than getting in that cycle of shame, can we honor that? Wow. I noticed that I'm sitting here and I'm not in touch with my body, and I seem to be mindlessly eating what else might be going on. Let me take a moment and check in with myself.
[19:18] Sarah: Yeah.
[19:18] Laura: And what do I need right now? And if you still continue to eat.
[19:23] Sarah: You still continue to eat.
[19:24] Laura: Maybe that's what you need.
[19:25] Sarah: Maybe that's what you need. Yeah. It's kind of like noticing when you're using symptoms, eating disorder symptoms, part of the basics can be even just, like, noticing, like, oh, here I am, I'm using eating disorder symptoms. And instead of entering the shame cycle, the shame spiral, to be compassionate and to acknowledge the suffering that's happening, that's probably pulling you towards using the symptoms. Right. So there's another basic coming back to the skill of self compassion, which is a skill. Right. So it takes time to develop. Right. But it still exists. It still can exist even if you're not using it super frequently. It's something that's there and available to you.
[20:00] Laura: And if you're really struggling with connecting to that, who are the trusted others who can help you?
[20:06] Sarah: Yes.
[20:07] Laura: Right. Make use of those support systems that are in place or find some support that might be helpful this season.
[20:16] Sarah: Yeah.
[20:16] Laura: And I would say the other part of this, too, and this is maybe becoming more complex, but it keeps coming up for me as we're sitting here when it comes to symptom use as well, just to be mindful, like, are we engaging in other types of behaviors that are our way to disconnect from our bodies, our situations, and especially this time of year, we're thinking about things like overspending. We're thinking about things like alcohol use, drug use. Right. And to just, again, this is where that checking in that mindfulness, that sort of honoring the suffering in the midst of it, and that, oh, wow, look at me. This is how I survived for so many years by doing these things. And now I've taken away those things that I used for so many years, and I'm still not solid. Right. I'm early on in my recovery, or there's been some pretty major things that have come up lately that are triggering. So let me just be, again, compassionate with myself, and let's honor that. Yes. Sometimes we can be really savvy in finding different ways to avoid the distress of the season.
[21:27] Sarah: Absolutely. Yeah.
[21:29] Laura: And think about it. I think about it, too, is like, the more that we are avoiding distress, the more likely we are then to not allow ourselves to engage in the positive aspects of the season. So people will talk about that, numb out. They'll talk about feeling like, I just feel like I'm a zombie walking through this time of year. We just were talking about, like, where do those three weeks go?
[21:51] Sarah: Yeah, we just recorded that podcast that was saying, we hope that we don't say this at the end of the year. And here we are, like, whoa, fast forward three weeks. Here we are. Yeah.
[22:01] Laura: And the difference between now my experience of that and the me of a few years ago, or even longer, is that now I have the capacity to recognize that at some point I can still get caught up in it. I say this to my clients all the time. I do this for a living. I pointed out, I help you to see it in yourselves, but sometimes I miss it in myself. I need my support, too, but giving myself those times of day and then also just allowing myself the permission to honor the parts of me that are struggling right now to give them space to feel what they're feeling and then to meet the needs that are unmet. Yes, this was probably talked about in another one of our podcasts. But it's also okay if the boundary for you is to say no and not go. That's okay. Sometimes you're like, I have to force myself. I'm in early recovery. Like, I have to expose myself. Well, I mean, within reason. Right? And we can talk about what's coming up for you. Are you not going because it's literally impossible with everything coming up, or are you not going because you don't want to have to sort of challenge yourself? There's a difference there, if that makes sense.
[23:15] Sarah: Absolutely. Yeah.
[23:17] Laura: But it's okay as well to say no. It's okay to say, you know what? I'm just not ready for this, or I'm going to limit my exposure to this. So this party is going to be from eight to eleven. I'm going to go and I'll be there from 830 to 930, and then I'm going home.
[23:35] Sarah: Yeah.
[23:37] Laura: Or who are my supports? Or who's the person that I can step away from the party and call if they're not there.
[23:45] Sarah: Yeah.
[23:46] Laura: I always say people have your outs, right? Plan your outs. And this deals with food and everything else, but it's okay to be like, hey, I just realized I have to go run an errand real quick, or something as simple as going to the bathroom. First of all, most people aren't paying attention. They're all caught up in their own stuff.
[24:06] Sarah: True.
[24:06] Laura: So if you need to go to the bathroom to just get some space or step outside to get some air, it's okay to do that. And to give yourself what you need. And it's okay to leave?
[24:16] Sarah: If you need to leave, yes. It's okay to just prioritize yourself, really, because your life, you are most important.
[24:23] Laura: Indeed. Yeah. And there will be a time when this is a bit easier to step into and to stay with. And it's okay that now might not.
[24:32] Sarah: Be the time, no matter how much you want it to be.
[24:36] Laura: Yeah.
[24:36] Sarah: Anything else you want to add?
[24:37] Laura: I think my final thought in all of this is this is a season giving and receiving gifts with others and to remember that we as well are worthy of gifting ourselves with what we need. And so sometimes the best present during this holiday is being present to those needs and to ourselves and allowing ourselves the space to be completely human and the space to move through this holiday as is best for us at this point in our recovery and in our journey.
[25:14] Sarah: Beautifully said.
[25:15] Laura: Yeah. Give yourself the gift of some joy, even if it's a small moment of joy. Just let yourself be okay with that, too. With pleasure and joy. And don't let diet culture steal those things from. They've stolen so much from us and they're going to keep trying.
[25:35] Sarah: Oh, yeah. That's why eyes open, right? They're going to keep trying, especially this time of year.
[25:41] Laura: My eyes are open and I'm going to defy diet culture, be a rebel and reclaim what's rightfully mine.
[25:52] Sarah: I love it. All right, everybody, eyes open. Back to the basics. You've got this. Yeah. Reach out to your people.
[26:01] Laura: Exactly. Take care of you.
[26:03] Sarah: All right. Well, we will be back next week with Emily talking all about New Year's resolutions. And so until then, take good care.
[26:13] Sarah: Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of reclaim you. Be sure to, like, comment and subscribe and check us out on YouTube at reclaim you. If you're looking to start therapy for trauma, disordered eating or body image concerns, head over to our website at www.reclaimtherapy.org to learn more about us and our work. We'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, take good care of yourself.
Reclaim therapy provides Therapy for Eating Disorders in Pennsylvania, EMDR for eating disorders and PTSD and grief counseling in Pennsylvania.
We also provide therapy for CPTSD, PTSD Treatment in Horsham, PA, binge eating disorder therapy, and body image therapy in Horsham, PA.
We’re passionate about helping people reclaim their lives from the impact of trauma, diet culture and body shame.
We would love to support you as you Reclaim YOU and the life that you undeniably deserve.