Why Can’t I Remember My Trauma? A Trauma Therapist Explains
If you’ve experienced trauma and find yourself struggling with fragmented or missing memories, such as those seen in dissociative amnesia, you’re not alone.
It’s common to feel confused or frustrated when some moments are crystal clear, while others are fuzzy or blank.
These gaps in memory aren’t signs that something is wrong with you—they’re evidence of how hard your brain worked to protect you during overwhelming experiences.
This survival response means your brain doesn’t record memories in the same way it usually does. In the context of how memory works, trauma can disrupt autobiographical memory, which is the system responsible for recalling personal past events. Emotional stress during traumatic events also plays a significant role in shaping how these memories are encoded and later recalled, sometimes making them difficult to access or remember.
How Your Brain Responds to Trauma and Why You May Be Missing Memories From Your Childhood
Your brain’s main priority during trauma is to protect you and keep you safe.
When you face danger or overwhelming stress, your brain shifts into survival mode. The parts of your brain responsible for thinking clearly and recording memories temporarily take a backseat, allowing the survival-focused parts to take control.
This survival response means your brain doesn’t record memories in the same way it usually does. Instead of creating clear, chronological memories, it focuses on helping you survive the moment.
This is why trauma memories often feel fragmented or different from everyday memories—they were created when your brain was operating in survival mode. To learn more about trauma’s impact on the brain, read this blog.
Understanding Dissociative Disorders
Sometimes the mind just... breaks. When life becomes too much, when the pain cuts too deep, your soul finds ways to protect itself. Dissociative disorders—they're like when your heart and mind decide they can't bear another moment of agony, so they disconnect. You might find yourself staring into space, wondering where pieces of your life went... where you went.
Have you ever felt like you were watching your own life from the outside? Like someone else was living in your body while you floated somewhere above, untouchable but also unreachable? Maybe memories just... disappeared. Gone. These are the moments when your mind chooses mercy over memory.
Dissociative amnesia... it's when your heart decides to forget. Not little things, not where you put your keys, but the big things. The things that happened to you that were so dark, so painful, that your mind locked them away somewhere you can't reach. Sometimes these gaps are so deep that you lose yourself entirely. Who am I? What happened to me? The questions echo in the empty spaces where memories should be.
Then there's dissociative fugue—imagine waking up in a place you don't recognize, with no idea how you got there. You might even become someone else entirely for days, weeks... living a different life while your real self hides somewhere safe. It's like your soul packed up and moved without telling you. Later, when you come back... it's all gone. Vanished like a dream.
Dissociative identity disorder—what they used to call multiple personality disorder—is when the breaking becomes so complete that you become more than one person. Two or more distinct selves living in one body, each carrying different pieces of the pain. It usually starts in childhood... when little hearts are asked to bear things no child should ever have to carry.
Diagnosis... it's complicated. The symptoms look like so many other struggles—PTSD, acute stress, other personality disorders. How do you tell the difference between a mind that's wounded and a mind that's shattered? It takes time, testing, digging deep into your story. Sometimes I wonder if we're asking the wrong questions entirely.
Who's at risk? Anyone who's walked through hell and lived to tell about it. Childhood abuse, sexual assault, disasters that remake the landscape of your life, injuries that change everything. If mental illness runs in your family tree, if trauma keeps knocking on your door... your mind might choose this path of protection. And please... please know this isn't weakness. This is survival. This is your beautiful, broken brain saying "I will keep you safe, even if it means losing pieces of ourselves."
Treatment—it's a journey back home to yourself. Therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy... they're like having someone hold your hand as you walk back through the dark places. Sometimes hypnosis, sometimes medication to quiet the storm while you heal. But here's the truth—these disorders are complex, mysterious, sacred in their own way. You need someone who understands, someone who won't judge the way your mind chose to survive.
If you're drowning... if someone you love is lost in the fog of memory loss or thinking thoughts that scare them... please, reach out. Right now. Don't wait. With the right help, the right love, people find their way back. They reclaim what was lost, they learn to live whole again. Their quality of life... it can bloom again.
Understanding these conditions—it's the first step toward coming home to yourself. Toward healing. Toward hope that rises even after the deepest trauma. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, even in our brokenness. Especially in our brokenness.
Common Features of Trauma Memories
Trauma memories are stored differently in the brain, which can lead to experiences like:
Scattered or fragmented memories: You might remember certain details very vividly—like sounds, smells, or physical sensations—while other parts of the experience are unclear or missing. This often happens after a painful event, such as a traumatic or distressing experience, which can result in fragmented or missing memories.
Physical reactions without conscious memory: Sometimes your body reacts strongly to certain triggers, even if you don’t remember why. For example, you might feel your heart race, your muscles tense, or the urge to run or hide.
Time distortions: Trauma memories might not feel like they’re in the past. Instead, they may feel as though they’re happening right now or seem distant and unreal.
These differences can be unsettling, but they’re completely normal. Your brain and body are doing their best to protect you, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
What Not to Do According To Your Resident Trauma Therapists
When dealing with trauma-related memory gaps, it’s easy to feel like you should “figure it all out” or force yourself to remember everything. However, this approach can make healing harder.
Here’s what NOT to do:
Don’t try to force memories to surface: Trauma memories often emerge on their own when you’re ready and feel safe enough to process them. Forcing the process can feel overwhelming.
Don’t judge yourself for not remembering: Memory gaps aren’t failures—they’re your brain’s way of protecting you.
Don’t ignore triggers or reactions: Triggers might feel like annoyances or interruptions, but they can provide valuable clues about what your body and mind are holding onto.
Understanding Parts of Yourself
After trauma, you might notice that different parts of yourself emerge. One part might focus on daily life—handling work, caring for others, and meeting responsibilities. Another part might hold the difficult memories and emotions connected to the trauma.
This isn’t a sign of weakness or dysfunction; it’s your brain’s way of helping you survive. Sometimes, this process can disrupt your sense of personal identity, making you feel fragmented or unsure about who you are or your personal history.
Each of these parts serves an important purpose:
Your “everyday self” allows you to function and maintain your life.
Your “protective parts” hold onto the memories and feelings from the trauma until you’re ready and safe enough to process them.
This internal system helped you survive, and with time, these parts can begin to work together to help you heal.
How Trauma Therapy Can Help
Two types of therapy are especially helpful for trauma-related memories: EMDR and parts work.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): EMDR helps your brain process trauma memories in a gentler, more manageable way. During a session, you’ll briefly focus on a memory while your EMDR therapist guides you through bilateral stimulation. This process helps your brain “unstick” from the trauma and reprocess it in a way that feels less overwhelming. To read more about EMDR, head here, here and here.
Parts Work: Parts work helps you understand and communicate with the different aspects of yourself that developed to help you cope with trauma. Each part of you, even the ones that feel challenging or overwhelming, has a purpose.
Hypnosis is sometimes used as an intervention for dissociative symptoms, and its effectiveness can depend on an individual's level of hypnotic suggestibility.
Through parts work, you can:
Get to know these different parts of yourself.
Understand how each part tried to protect you.
Help your parts work together, instead of feeling at odds with one another.
These approaches can be powerful tools to help you reconnect with yourself, feel more in control, and reclaim your sense of wholeness.
The Path to Healing
Healing from trauma doesn’t require remembering everything that happened. Many survivors never recover every memory, and that’s okay. Healing is about helping you feel safe, stable, and grounded in the present moment.
Recovery often involves:
Developing self-compassion for all parts of your experience, including exploring body-centered approaches like Somatic Experiencing.
Building a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling to you.
Practical Self-Compassion Tips
Building self-compassion can be a game-changer in your healing journey. Here are some ways to start:
Affirm what is true: Remind yourself, “My memory gaps are evidence of my resilience.”
Try this journaling prompt: Try writing, “What would I say to a friend who’s feeling this way?”
Grounding exercises: When judgment arises, focus on a grounding activity, like deep breathing or noticing five things you can see, hear, or feel around you.
Your Next Step
Healing is a journey, and you don’t have to take the first step alone.
Reaching out to a trauma-informed therapist can provide tools and support to help you:
Feel more stable and grounded in your daily life.
Work with memories in ways that feel manageable and safe.
Build compassion and understanding for all parts of yourself.
Your memory gaps aren’t failures. They’re signs of how hard your brain and body worked to protect you.
Remember: You survived something incredibly difficult, and your brain and body did their best to protect you. With the right support, you can move toward healing in a way that honors both your past and your present needs.
🧡,
Reclaim Therapy is a group of trauma therapists near me and in Horsham, PA who provide EMDR Therapy, Therapy for Complex PTSD, Therapy for Eating Disorders and Body Image.
Our team believes that all people are deserving of reclaiming their lives from the impact of trauma, disordered eating in toxic shame. As a trauma focused practice we provide body-based interventions to support our clients to finding lasting, embodied healing from their overwhelming life experiences. If you’re looking for a trauma therapist who not only talks the talk, but walks the walk, we would be honored to support you!