The Reclaim You Blog

The fawn response is one of the four trauma responses, and honestly, one of the hardest ones to recognize. Because unlike fight or flight, fawning doesn't look like a trauma response from the outside. It looks like being nice. Being helpful. Being easy to be around.

If you've been managing anxiety for a while, you've probably tried a few things.

Therapy. Medication. Breathing exercises. Maybe a meditation app you opened twice and then abandoned somewhere in your phone's graveyard.

You know the voice…

The one that shows up the second you try something new, speak up in a meeting, or just look in the mirror on a not so great day.

You're too much. Not enough. Who in the world do you think you are?

Shame is one of the most painful human experiences, and also one of the most misunderstood. It hides inside perfectionism, people-pleasing, explosive anger, and the relentless inner voice that tells you you're too much or not enough.

This post covers signs of childhood sexual abuse in adults. It is psychoeducational, not diagnostic. If anything here resonates, please work with a trauma-informed therapist who can help you explore it safely.

Polyvagal theory was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges in 1994.

The short version: it's a framework that explains how your autonomic nervous system responds to safety, danger, and threat, and why those responses live in your body, not just your brain.

Here's what most people don't tell you about ADHD: the attention stuff? That's actually the easier part to explain. It's the emotions, the flooding, the shame spirals, the rejection that hits like a freight train, that tend to take people out. And almost nobody's talking about it.

Maybe your therapist brought it up, or you fell down a late-night Google rabbit hole trying to figure out why you can't just move on already.

If you're typing this into Google, you're probably not doing it casually.

Something feels off.

Attachment trauma happens when the people you depended on for safety, comfort, and emotional connection were inconsistent, unavailable, frightening, or emotionally immature.

Traditional talk therapy has its place, but when you're dealing with trauma, anxiety, or a dysregulated nervous system, talking about it just isn't enough to lead to lasting change. Your body is holding the story, and it needs different tools to heal.

You might notice intrusive thoughts about food that won't quiet down, rituals around eating that feel impossible to break, or a sense that your brain has hijacked both your relationship with food and your peace of mind.

People throw around "emotionally available" like it's a checkbox on a dating profile or something you can will yourself into becoming if you just try hard enough.

And if you've ever felt like you want to be close to people but something inside you slams the door shut? That way of thinking about it doesn't just miss the point, it can really reinforces shame.

Many people don’t realize they grew up with emotionally immature parents because nothing looked obviously “bad” from the outside.

There’s care. There’s consistency. There’s effort on both sides. And still, something in the body stays tense. Or shut down. Or carefully waiting for the other shoe to drop.

If that’s familiar, it’s not because you don’t know how to be in a relationship.

Most people think trauma means obvious harm.

The yelling. The chaos. The physical or sexual abuse.

But for so many adults healing from complex trauma, the story is much quieter. It is subtle. It hides in what didn’t happen. It shows up in the emotional gaps you learned to work around as a child.

It shows up as a hollowness you can’t quite name. A loneliness you carry even when you’re surrounded by people who love you. A sense that you should be fine on paper, but inside… something still hurts.

You just spent two hours listening to your friend's breakup drama, gave thoughtful advice, held space for all their feelings. And now you're sitting in your car feeling... empty. Exhausted. Like you just ran a marathon you didn't sign up for.

And here's the kicker: when they asked "But how are YOU doing?" you said "I'm good!" without even thinking about it.

The thing is, grounding exercises and container exercises aren't interchangeable.

They do completely different things. And knowing which one to use when can make the difference between actually feeling better and spinning your wheels.

You know that moment when someone asks you for something and you immediately say yes, even though every cell in your body is screaming no?

Or when you spend twenty minutes crafting a text message because you're terrified of coming across as "difficult"?

Yeah. I see you.

You know that feeling when your brain just won't stop replaying the same thought?

"This shouldn't have happened. This isn't fair. If only I had done something different."

Round and round, like a song stuck on repeat that's slowly driving you insane.

There's a particular brand of self-help that's really just self-abandonment with aesthetic marketing.

And, if you've been doing all the “right” things but still feel like you're dragging a boulder uphill, you might be caught in it.

You know that feeling when your nervous system is like a smoke alarm that won't shut off?

Heart pounding, thoughts racing, jaw clenched so tight you could crack a walnut?

Yeah, that's one end of the spectrum.

Emotional regulation (the thing everyone keeps telling you to work on) isn’t about controlling your feelings or becoming some perfectly balanced human who never loses their cool. It’s about your body finally feeling safe enough to experience what you’re feeling without either exploding or going completely offline.

You know that feeling when you’re standing in front of the cereal aisle, frozen, because you can’t decide which box to buy? Or when someone asks what you want for dinner and your brain just… blanks?

Maybe you’ve been putting off looking for help because you don’t even know where to start. Or you’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t quite land, so now you’re hesitant to try again. You know you need something, but the options feel endless and confusing. Do you need a therapist? A support group? Something else entirely?

Here’s what I want you to know: you don’t have to figure this out alone.

If you’re living with flashbacks, stuck in cycles of hypervigilance or people-pleasing, or feeling disconnected from yourself, EMDR may be the tool that finally helps you feel less at war with your own nervous system.

We offer EMDR therapy in-person at our Horsham office and online across Pennsylvania, serving clients throughout Montgomery County and beyond.