You know that feeling when you’re standing in front of the cereal aisle, frozen, because you can’t decide which box to buy? Or when someone asks what you want for dinner and your brain just… blanks?

You probably learned to look outside yourself for permission, external validation, and proof that you weren’t completely wrong about everything. That kind of freeze isn’t always about being indecisive. Sometimes it’s what happens when your ability to trust yourself has been chipped away over years of feeling unseen or dismissed, leading to persistent self doubt. When you constantly second-guess yourself, self doubt can take a toll on your mental health, increasing stress and anxiety.

Most of us were never taught how to build self-trust.

And if you grew up with emotional neglect or trauma, you probably learned the opposite: that your feelings were “too much,” your needs weren’t valid, and your safest bet was to second-guess yourself into oblivion.

You probably learned to look outside yourself for permission, validation, and proof that you weren’t completely wrong about everything, making it difficult to develop a right relationship with yourself.

This post will walk you through what self-trust actually is, why trauma makes it so hard to rebuild, and a step-by-step practice to start choosing yourself without the guilt spiral that usually follows. Building self-trust is the foundation for self-esteem, confidence, a healthy relationship with yourself, and the ability to form meaningful relationships and a healthy relationship with others.

Developing a right relationship with yourself is essential for confidence, present-moment awareness, and personal growth. It’s not about being right all the time. It’s about knowing that even when you mess up, you’ll figure it out, you won’t abandon yourself. Learning from each mistake and viewing mistakes as opportunities for growth, rather than self-criticism, is a key part of building self-trust.

Definition graphic explaining what self-trust means: the belief you can rely on your own feelings, needs, and decisions.

What Is Self-Trust?

Self-trust is the internal belief that you can rely on your own feelings, needs, and decisions. It’s not about being right all the time. It’s about knowing that even when you mess up, you’ll figure it out, you won’t abandon yourself.

It’s the foundation of self-esteem, confidence, and feeling safe in your relationships.

Without it, you’re constantly outsourcing your sense of reality to other people. You’re always checking: Is this okay? Am I allowed to feel this? Did I do the right thing?

And honestly? If you’re here you likely already know… that’s exhausting.

Overthink every decision, big or small
Feel guilty after setting boundaries
Apologize for things that aren’t your fault
Second-guess your feelings or needs
Struggle to say no, even when you want to
Feel responsible for other people’s emotions

People with trauma often face challenges when trying to trust themselves.

When trauma breaks self-trust, it creates an ongoing internal struggle—dealing with self-doubt, difficult emotions, and perfectionism can feel relentless. The process of rebuilding self-trust after trauma is a challenge that requires conscious effort and resilience.

How Trauma Breaks Self-Trust

Childhood emotional neglect is chronic misattunement. Caregivers didn’t have to be cruel or abusive. They just had to be absent, dismissive, distracted, or uncomfortable with feelings. It isn’t about what happened, but also what didn’t happen.

So, you might have learned early on: My instincts are wrong. My needs are unsafe. If I want to survive here, I need to shrink.

That belief didn’t just live in your thoughts. It moved into your nervous system, shaping your automatic responses.

As an adult, you may:

Overthink every decision
Feel guilty after setting a boundary
Apologize for things that aren’t your fault
Second-guess yourself even when you know you’re right

That’s not a flaw. That’s trauma doing its job: keeping you small and “safe” in an environment that couldn’t handle your fullness.

Self Discovery and Growth

Self-discovery is at the heart of building self-trust. When you take time to explore your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, you begin to understand what truly matters to you. This process isn’t always easy—sometimes it means facing parts of yourself you’ve tried to ignore or hide. But with self-compassion and a willingness to be honest, you can start to see your own reliability and strengths more clearly.

As you practice self-discovery, notice how your self-confidence grows. You’ll start to recognize patterns, understand your triggers, and make choices that feel right for you. Remember, building self trust is a lifelong journey. There’s no finish line—just a deeper connection to yourself with every step you take. By embracing your own thoughts and feelings, you lay the groundwork for a more resilient, confident, and fulfilling life. Every moment of self-discovery is a building block in creating the self you want to be.

How to Build Self-Trust Step by Step

Rebuilding self-trust isn’t about forcing confidence. It’s about creating new experiences that teach your nervous system: I can listen to myself. I can choose for myself. I will be okay.

The following steps are practical practices you can incorporate into your daily routine to help build trust in yourself.

Here’s where to start:

Step 1: Start with Micro-Decisions

5 steps to practice self trust and reduce self doubt

Big choices feel impossible when you don’t trust yourself. Start small.

What do you want for lunch? Do you need a break right now? What do you want to wear today?

These aren’t trivial, they’re practice rounds. Taking these micro-decisions is a way to spend time with yourself and build self-awareness. Sometimes, you might feel uncomfortable spending time on these small choices, but that discomfort is a normal part of growth. Many people are uncomfortable spending time focusing inward, but practicing these decisions helps you step outside your comfort zone and develop self-trust.

Choose something, then name it out loud: “I’m choosing this because it feels right for me.”

You’re not looking for the “right” choice. You’re looking for your choice.

Step 2: Anchor in Your Body

Trauma teaches us to disconnect from our bodies because our bodies hold the feelings we weren’t allowed to have. Healing self-trust means coming back.

For any person seeking to reconnect with themselves, listening to your body is a vital step. Try this: Place one hand on your chest. Take a slow exhale. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”

Don’t rush the answer. Let it bubble up. It might be rest. It might be water. It might be five minutes alone in the bathroom.

Tuning into your body's cues supports both physical and mental health, helping you recognize and honor your needs. This practice re-teaches your nervous system that the body’s cues are safe, and that you can trust what is happening in your body in the present moment. That you can listen without judgment. That your needs aren’t dangerous.

Step 3: Expect the Guilt Voice

Here’s the thing nobody tells you: when you start choosing yourself, the guilt will show up like clockwork.

Who do you think you are? You’re being selfish. You’re going to hurt people.

That voice isn’t the truth. It’s an old alarm system trying to keep you safe in a world that no longer exists.

Reframe guilt as evidence of growth. It means you’re doing something your nervous system isn’t used to. That’s good. That’s different. That’s the whole point. Start believing in your ability to make choices that serve you. Believing in yourself is a key part of building self-trust and overcoming self-doubt. Have faith in your inner strength, even when things feel uncertain. Remember, the power of your own word shapes your beliefs and helps guide your journey forward.

Step 4: Collect Evidence of Safety

After each decision, pause and check in. Journal it if that helps. Take responsibility for your choices and reflect on how your actions align with your values.

What happened? Am I okay? What did I learn?

When you act with intention—making decisions that honor your needs and boundaries—you reinforce your commitment to yourself. You’re building a track record your brain can’t ignore. You chose the salad instead of the sandwich, and nothing bad happened. You said no to the extra shift, and you didn’t get fired. You set a boundary with your mom, and the world didn’t end.

Each piece of evidence weakens the old belief. By learning from the past, not getting lost in worries about the future, and staying grounded in the present moment, you shape more authentic and fulfilling lives. Slowly, your brain starts to realize: Oh. Maybe I can trust me after all.

Step 5: Stretch into Bigger Choices

Once you feel steady with small decisions, start expanding. Set a boundary in a relationship. Speak up at work. Choose rest over productivity.

The practice is the same. You’re just increasing the stakes, and with that comes the challenge of facing bigger, more meaningful choices.

And yes, it’s going to feel uncomfortable. It's normal to experience anxiety as you step into new territory, and fear can arise when making bigger decisions. You may also struggle with internal resistance to change. But discomfort isn’t the same as danger. Your body is learning the difference.

Nurturing a Positive Mindset

Cultivating a positive mindset is a powerful way to support building self trust. Your inner voice shapes how you see yourself and the world, so it’s important to make it a supportive companion rather than an overly critical judge. Start by noticing your self talk—are you encouraging yourself, or tearing yourself down? When you catch negative self talk, try to reframe it with words that acknowledge your abilities and strengths.

Building self trust means learning to trust your own decisions, even when you feel uncertain. By focusing on your progress and the challenges you’ve overcome, you can develop a sense of confidence in your relationship with yourself. Remember, it’s normal to face setbacks or doubts, but a positive mindset helps you bounce back and keep moving forward. The more you practice talking to yourself with kindness and encouragement, the more comfortable you’ll feel spending time with yourself and trusting your own choices. Over time, this supportive inner voice becomes a solid foundation for self trust and resilience in all areas of life.

Healing Self-Trust in Trauma Recovery

Rebuilding trust in yourself is layered work. It’s not just cognitive. It’s somatic, relational, and deeply tied to your nervous system. Developing a right relationship with yourself—one that is honest, compassionate, and balanced—is essential in trauma recovery.

Therapies that help: EMDR Therapy, somatic experiencing, parts work.
Relationships: Surrounding yourself with people who support your choices.
Reality: Some days you’ll feel steady, other days doubt will return. That doesn’t mean failure. It means you’re human.

Maintaining Progress and Momentum

Staying on track with building self trust requires ongoing effort and self-compassion, especially when life gets challenging. It’s important to continue practicing self care and prioritizing your own needs, even when it feels uncomfortable. Setting clear boundaries protects your energy and helps you maintain a sense of overall well being.

Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Acknowledge the moments when you chose yourself, practiced self compassion, or honored your own needs. These victories build confidence and remind you that you’re capable of growth. When setbacks happen—and they will—treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend. Remember, building self trust is a journey, not a destination. Consistent practice, patience, and kindness toward yourself will help you maintain momentum, deepen your sense of self, and support your well being as you continue to face life’s challenges.

Rebuilding Self-Trust After Trauma is Possible

Reclaim Therapy is a trauma therapy practice in Horsham, PA that specializes in providing EMDR Therapy, Therapy for Complex PTSD and Eating Disorder Treatment.

If you’re looking for a trauma therapist near me who can support you in rebuilding trust and renegotiating childhood trauma or childhood emotional neglect, we are so glad that you found us. We are passionate about helping people reclaim their lives from the impact of trauma. Ready to get started?

schedule your free consultation!

How to Build Self-Trust (Especially After Trauma and Emotional Neglect)