It can feel so painful when it feels like loneliness just.won’t.let.go.

Friend, you’re absolutely not alone in this.

Real talk… loneliness has become an epidemic.

When the whole world feels isolating…

Before we dive into the personal stuff, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

We’re living through what experts are calling a “loneliness epidemic,” and it’s not just you. The latest research shows that 30% of adults experienced loneliness at least once a week in 2024, with 10% feeling lonely every single day. And younger people? They’re getting hit the hardest.

The perfect storm started brewing long before COVID, but the pandemic just threw gasoline on an already burning fire. Research from 101 countries found that severe loneliness jumped from 6% before the pandemic to 21% during COVID-19, and here’s the thing - we haven’t bounced back. Studies show that more than half of older adults still haven’t returned to their pre-pandemic social routines, even years later.

social media apps that can have an effect on loneliness especially among people who have experienced trauma and childhood emotional neglect

Then there’s social media, which promised to connect us but often does the opposite. It’s become a part of our daily life, shaping our routines and how we interact with others.

Recent studies show that young adults who spend more time on social media actually experience higher levels of loneliness, not less. It’s like we’re more connected than ever but somehow lonelier than we’ve ever been, often feeling disconnected despite all the online visibility. The research is pretty clear: when college students limited their social media use to just 30 minutes per day, their loneliness and depression significantly decreased over three weeks.

What’s happening is we’re caught in what researchers call the “authenticity-visibility paradox.” The more visible we become online, the less authentic we feel we can be. We’re spending 5-6 hours daily on social platforms but still feeling socially isolated because the connections aren’t actually meaningful, and social media can hinder truly connecting with others.

And can we just name that the world just feels heavier right now? All of this can feel overwhelming, adding to the emotional burden many of us carry.

Between political chaos, economic stress, climate anxiety, and the general sense that everything is falling apart, our nervous systems are in constant overdrive. When you’re already carrying trauma, this collective stress hits different. Your body remembers what it felt like to be unsafe, and suddenly the whole world feels unsafe. Worry about the future and our place in it can compound feelings of loneliness.

This is about living in a time when the systems that used to support human connection have been fundamentally disrupted, and we’re all trying to figure out how to be human in a world that often feels inhuman. It’s important to explore new ways of building connection or understanding your emotions as you navigate these changes.

And…

If you grew up with childhood emotional neglect, emotionally immature parents, or relational trauma?

That loneliness hits different.

It hits deeper.

That ache you’re carrying isn’t because you’re flawed, or terrible at relationships. It’s your nervous system remembering what it felt like to be unseen, unheard, and unsafe. For many, the loneliness that begins in childhood due to emotional neglect can persist into early adulthood, especially for those who experienced social withdrawal as a coping mechanism. Children raised by single parents may have different experiences with emotional neglect and loneliness compared to those from dual-parent households. Understanding these long-term impacts is crucial for healing and growth.

But here’s the thing that gives me hope every single day in my practice: the same nervous system that learned loneliness can also learn safety, connection, and belonging again.

Why trauma can make loneliness feel endless

When clients sit in my office and tell me, “I can’t stop the loneliness feelings,” what they’re really describing is a body that remembers being alone.

Not just physically alone, but emotionally abandoned. Unprocessed emotions from childhood, such as sadness or fear, can resurface as loneliness in adulthood, making these feelings difficult to manage.

Loneliness isn’t just about having people around you or not.

It’s about whether your nervous system feels safe enough to actually let connection in. When connection didn’t feel safe in childhood because caregivers were inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or worse, your body learned that being alone was actually safer. That wiring doesn’t just magically undo itself because you’re now an adult (hopefully) surrounded by people who care about you.

This is why loneliness can feel endless, like it’s swallowed you whole. It’s not simply about lacking relationships. It’s a protective adaptation your nervous system created a long time ago, and people often develop coping strategies to manage these difficult emotions.

The protective patterns keeping you isolated

If loneliness feels like your constant companion, it might be tied to the protective strategies your body is still using:

Over-functioning. You stay busy as hell, always responsible, always “fine” so no one gets close enough to see how much you need connection.

People-pleasing. You contort yourself into impossible shapes to avoid rejection, but meanwhile your own needs stay completely invisible, even to you.

Hyper-independence. You’ve convinced yourself “it’s just easier if I do everything alone,” and surprise, you end up isolated.

Perfectionism. You try to earn love by being flawless, which ironically makes you untouchable and alone.

Isolation. You pull back from people entirely, telling yourself it’s easier to just avoid the whole mess of human connection altogether.

These are not signs that you’re doing life wrong. These are survival strategies that once protected you from more hurt and helped you cope with emotional pain. When you meet these hidden parts of yourself with compassion, remind yourself that these strategies were once necessary. The problem is they’re also keeping real connection just out of reach.

When being unseen becomes invisible

For so many of us who survived childhood trauma, today’s loneliness is the echo of being chronically unseen. If no one noticed your feelings growing up, your body learned to hide them. Or, to hide you entirely.

That invisible part of you isn’t weak or pathetic. It was working overtime to protect you from disappointment, from getting your hopes up just to have them crushed again.

Healing begins when you stop shaming that part and start actually listening to what it needs. Remember, your feelings and experiences matter—they are valid and deserve attention. When you can meet that hidden part of yourself with some genuine compassion and offer support to yourself or others, loneliness starts to loosen its death grip just a little.

The difference between loneliness and solitude

There’s a difference here worth talking about.

Loneliness is that painful disconnection, usually rooted in old wounds that haven’t healed yet.

Solitude is chosen alone time that can actually feel nourishing and safe.

If you’re carrying trauma, solitude can sometimes feel terrifying and slip right back into loneliness before you know what hit you. But with some gentle, consistent practice, solitude can become a genuine resource instead of something to survive. It can be where you reconnect with your breath, your body, and the parts of yourself you’ve been ignoring. S

olitude also offers a chance to explore a personal interest, allowing you to engage in activities or hobbies that spark your curiosity and bring enjoyment. Additionally, getting involved in group activities or community efforts can help transform solitude into a positive experience, fostering connection and a sense of belonging.

The impact of social media on loneliness

Social media is everywhere in our day to day life—it’s how we share, connect, and keep up with friends, family, and the world. For many, it promises a sense of connection and belonging, especially when physical distance or busy schedules make in-person meetups tough. But here’s the paradox: while social media can help us stay in touch, it can also be a significant risk factor for feeling lonely and disconnected.

Research shows that spending more time on social media doesn’t always lead to meaningful relationships. In fact, it often does the opposite. Scrolling through endless feeds of curated, picture-perfect moments can make it seem like everyone else is living a happier, more connected life. This constant comparison can leave you feeling isolated, anxious, and like you’re missing out—even if you have hundreds of online friends.

For people who’ve experienced emotional neglect or childhood trauma, these feelings can be even more intense. If you grew up feeling unseen or unheard, social media can sometimes amplify that ache, making it harder to form quality relationships in adulthood. Physical abuse and neglect in childhood are linked to an increased risk of experiencing loneliness later in life, and the digital world can sometimes trigger those old wounds.

Young people are especially vulnerable. The pressure to keep up, the risk of cyberbullying, and the constant stream of social comparison can take a real toll on mental health and self esteem. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or like you just don’t measure up.

So, what can you do? The key is finding a healthy balance between your online and offline worlds. Try to focus on building meaningful connections, not just collecting followers. Join online groups or book clubs that align with your interests—these can offer real social support and a sense of belonging. Practice self compassion and self care by taking breaks from your screen, spending time in nature, or simply being present in your own company.

Remember, you’re not alone in feeling lonely. Most people experience loneliness at some point in their lives, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. If social media is making your feelings of loneliness worse, it’s okay to step back and focus on quality relationships that truly nourish you. Reach out to close friends, family, or a mental health professional if you need the right support. Sometimes, just sending a text message or joining a supportive group can make all the difference.

Ultimately, it’s about creating a life filled with meaningful connections—both online and offline—that support your mental health and help you feel truly understood.

4 ways to start healing the loneliness ache

Here are four trauma-informed approaches that can start shifting your relationship with loneliness.

It's important to find support through various channels, such as friends, family, or professional resources, when facing emotional distress. Taking small steps to meet people, whether in person or through online communities, can help you gradually build trust and confidence. Being open to meeting new people is also key to forming meaningful connections. While social situations can be challenging, especially if you struggle with low self-esteem or anxiety, engaging in them is an important part of healing loneliness.

Wondering how to deal with loneliness? Here are 3 ways to start to cope with feeling like the loneliness won't quit.

Getting your body on board first

Before you reach for other people to fill that void, start with your own body. This isn't some fluffy self-care nonsense - it's trauma recovery 101. Safety comes before connection, always.

Try grounding practices like noticing five things you can see, three things you can hear, one thing you can physically feel. It sounds simple, but it reminds your nervous system that you're actually here, and safe enough in this moment.

Start with tiny moments of connection

Connection doesn't have to mean spilling your deepest trauma over coffee right away. Start smaller. Try a 20-second hug with someone safe. Hold eye contact with a friend for just a beat longer. Pet your dog and actually feel their fur under your hands. Watch how the trees move in the wind and let yourself be part of that rhythm. These tiny moments teach your nervous system to trust connection again, one micro-dose at a time.

Thank the parts that are trying to protect you

When that familiar loneliness rises up, notice the parts of you that immediately kick into overdrive - the overworking, the people-pleasing, the withdrawing. Instead of beating yourself up about it, try saying something wild like: "Thank you for protecting me." Then ask: "Is there maybe another way we could handle this?"

When loneliness needs a witness

Sometimes loneliness needs a witness who actually gets it. Therapy, support groups, or trauma-informed approaches like EMDR can help you process those old attachment wounds and create new experiences of what safe connection actually feels like. Slowly, your nervous system starts learning that closeness doesn't automatically equal danger.

You don't have to white-knuckle this alone

Loneliness is part of being human. We all feel it sometimes.

But, if it's spiraling into depression, disordered eating, or you're feeling unsafe in your own skin, that's your cue to reach for professional help.

Therapy isn't about fixing you because spoiler alert: you're not broken.

It's about having someone walk alongside you as you learn that your needs are actually valid, your body can be trusted, and belonging is possible even after everything you've survived.

The loneliness can soften

I know loneliness feels like it will never end, especially when you’ve felt it for as long as you can remember.

I know it feels like you're drowning in it some days.

But it doesn’t have to be forever, I promise you that.

The research tells us loneliness is one of the most common struggles people face, but those of us who've survived trauma know it on that deeper, body-level ache that most people never have to understand.

Reclaim Therapy is a trauma therapy practice in Horsham, PA.

If you’re looking for support or healing from PTSD, Complex PTSD or disordered eating, we’re glad you found us. Our team is passionate about helping people reclaim their lives from the impact of trauma, disordered eating and toxic shame.

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How to Deal With Loneliness