A Step By Step Guide of What to Expect in EMDR Therapy
So you've decided to try EMDR therapy. Now you're probably wondering what the hell you just signed up for.
I get it. The unknown can feel scarier than staying stuck, especially when you've spent years (or decades) protecting yourself from feeling too much. You might be imagining some intense, overwhelming experience where you're forced to relive your worst memories while someone waves their finger in front of your face.
Here's the reality. Good EMDR treatment moves at YOUR pace, not some predetermined timeline. If you've been hurt by therapists who pushed too hard or told you to "just get over it," this is going to feel different.
Let us walk you through what actually happens, step by step, so you can show up knowing exactly what to expect.
The dangers of EMDR Therapy… Is EMDR Therapy Safe?
The short answer Yes, when done properly by a trained therapist.
The longer answer EMDR is one of the most researched trauma therapies out there. It's endorsed by the World Health Organization, the American Psychological Association, and pretty much every major mental health organization for treating trauma and PTSD.
But let's be real about what "safe" means
EMDR can bring up difficult emotions and memories. That's kind of the point. You might feel temporarily worse as your system processes old stuff. You might have vivid dreams, feel more emotional, or notice your body responding differently.
This isn't "unsafe." It's your nervous system doing the work it needs to do. But it's why proper preparation and pacing are so important.
EMDR is considered unsafe when
Done by someone without proper training
Rushed or forced without adequate preparation
Used with people who aren't stabilized enough for processing work
Applied without understanding complex trauma dynamics
The safety net: A skilled EMDR therapist knows how to titrate the work, when to slow down, and how to keep you within your "window of tolerance." That sweet spot where you can process without getting overwhelmed or shutting down completely.
First EMDR Therapy Session (Sessions 1-3 and beyond)
You're probably expecting we'll dive right into the trauma processing, right?
Nope. And if any therapist suggests diving straight into processing traumatic memories without proper preparation, that's a good sign they don't really understand how EMDR works (or how trauma works, for that matter).
What actually happens in your first EMDR therapy sessions
We talk. A lot. About your history, yes, but also about what you need to feel safe in therapy. We explore your coping strategies, your support system, and what overwhelm looks like for you specifically.
I'm looking for things like this. How do you know when you're getting triggered? What helps you feel grounded? What doesn't help at all? Do you have people in your life you can reach out to? What does safety mean to your nervous system?
Everyone wants to know how long this preparation phase takes. For complex trauma, usually several sessions, sometimes more. Your nervous system has spent years (maybe decades) in survival mode. We're not rushing it into vulnerability before it's ready.
What we're building
A relationship where you actually feel safe (revolutionary concept, I know)
Grounding techniques that work for YOUR body
A way to communicate when things feel like too much
An understanding of your unique trauma responses
Resources for managing distress between sessions
Learning Your Tools (Resource Installation and Grounding)
Before we process anything difficult, we're going to make sure you have tools that actually work.
You're probably wondering if I'm going to make you do those breathing exercises that never work for you.
God, I hope not.
If box breathing makes you feel like you're suffocating, we're not doing box breathing.
We're going to find what actually helps YOUR nervous system regulate. Maybe it's bilateral music, maybe it's a specific grounding object, maybe it's a particular way of moving your body.
What resource installation looks like
We identify positive feelings, memories, or qualities you want to strengthen. Maybe a time you felt capable, a place that feels peaceful, or even just the feeling of your feet on the ground. Then we use the same bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps, or sounds) that we'll use later for processing trauma to strengthen these positive resources.
It's like building a tool kit before you renovate the house.
How Many EMDR Sessions Will I Need? The Pacing Reality Check
Here's what Instagram therapists don't tell you: EMDR therapy for complex trauma isn't a sprint. It's not even a jog. It's more like a mindful walk where we stop frequently to check in with your system.
Here's the question everyone asks, and honestly, I wish I had a simple answer.
For complex trauma and childhood stuff, we're talking about a process that unfolds over months to years, not weeks. And that's completely normal and appropriate.
Anyone who promises to "fix" your childhood trauma in eight sessions is either lying or doesn't understand complex trauma. Your healing gets to unfold at a pace that honors how long you needed these protective patterns to survive.
What Happens During an EMDR Session: The Processing Phase
Okay, here's the part everyone's really curious about when they ask "what to expect in EMDR therapy."
Setting up for EMDR processing:
We start every processing session by checking in. How are you feeling? What's your stress level? Do you have the capacity to do some processing work today, or do we need to focus on stabilization?
An image of an EMDR light bar and wireless tappers
Some days, the answer is "I'm barely holding it together." That's a resource day, not a processing day, and that's perfectly fine.
When we do EMDR processing:
We identify a target - This might be a specific memory, but often it's a feeling, a body sensation, or even just a general sense of "something's not right."
We start small - We're not diving into your worst trauma on day one of processing. We often start with less charged material to help your system learn the process.
You track what comes up - Images, emotions, body sensations, thoughts. I'm not interpreting or analyzing - you're the expert on your own experience.
We add bilateral stimulation - Eye movements following my finger, or tactile buzzers, or audio tones. Whatever feels most comfortable for you.
We follow your brain - This isn't guided imagery. I'm not telling you what to think about. Your brain knows what it needs to process.
I know what you're really wondering about. Will you lose control or not remember what happens?
No. You're awake, aware, and in control the entire time. You can stop the eye movements whenever you want. You can take breaks. You can decide we're done for the day. EMDR isn't hypnosis. You're the one driving this car.
What Does EMDR Processing Feel Like?
I get asked all the time if EMDR therapy is going to be really intense and overwhelming.
Sometimes processing feels intense. Sometimes it feels surprisingly calm. Sometimes it feels like not much is happening at all. Your brain processes information at its own pace.
You might notice:
Images or memories becoming less vivid or disturbing
Physical sensations shifting in your body
Emotions coming up and then settling
New insights or perspectives emerging
Sometimes just a general sense of "something's different"
The key thing: We're titrating the experience. If things get too intense, we slow down, ground, or stop. The goal isn't to flood you with emotion - it's to help your nervous system process manageable pieces at a time.
After EMDR Sessions: Integration and Self-Care
"What happens between EMDR therapy sessions?"
Your brain keeps processing. This is actually where a lot of the healing happens - in the days and weeks after sessions as your system integrates what we worked on.
You might notice:
Dreams or sleep changes
Different emotional responses to triggers
Memories or insights popping up
Your body feeling different
Old patterns feeling less automatic
Self-care isn't optional during EMDR. This is intense work, even when it feels gentle. Your nervous system needs extra support through this process.
EMDR Therapy Progress: The Not-So-Pretty Truth
EMDR therapy results aren't linear. Some sessions you'll feel like you made huge breakthroughs. Other sessions might feel like nothing happened. Some weeks you'll feel worse before you feel better. This is all normal.
One of the most common concerns I hear is "What if I'm not getting better fast enough?"
Breathe.
Says who?
Your nervous system spent years adapting to keep you alive. It gets to take its time learning new patterns.
Complex trauma healing looks like:
Two steps forward, one step back (or sometimes three steps back)
Layers of healing - addressing one thing often reveals something deeper
Periods of integration where it feels like nothing's happening
Sudden shifts when you least expect them
A few red flags to look for:
Not every EMDR therapist is equipped to handle complex trauma with the care it requires. Here are some red flags to watch for in EMDR therapy:
Pushing you to process before you feel ready
Dismissing your concerns about pacing
Making you feel like you're "not trying hard enough"
Moving too fast or ignoring your body's signals
Not having adequate training in complex trauma
Making you feel like you should be "over it" by now
Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
EMDR Therapy Success: What It Really Looks Like
Success in EMDR therapy is never about forgetting what happened or never feeling triggered again. It's about:
Triggers feeling less overwhelming and lasting for shorter periods
Increased capacity to stay present during difficult emotions
Your body feeling more like home and less like a prison
Being able to have healthy relationships without constant fear
Trusting your own perceptions and feelings
Living in the present instead of constantly bracing for the past to repeat
The Bottom Line About What to Expect in EMDR Therapy
EMDR therapy isn't magic, sometimes when you take the time to move through the process it feels pretty close. It's a way to help your brain and body finally file away traumatic experiences so they stop hijacking your present.
The process requires patience. With your therapist, with the method, and most importantly, with yourself. Your healing doesn't need to look like anyone else's. It doesn't need to happen on anyone else's timeline.
What it needs is a skilled therapist who understands complex trauma, a pace that honors your nervous system, and your willingness to show up for yourself even when it's scary.
You've survived 100% of your worst days so far. We believe in you. You can do this too.
Ready to begin your EMDR therapy journey? Our team of certified EMDR therapists understands complex trauma and the importance of proper pacing. Contact us today to learn more about what to expect in EMDR therapy and our trauma-informed approach.
🧡,