Getting to Know Your Voice

If you're new to the blog, hello! I'm so happy you're here.

If you've been here for a while, thanks for hanging around, it's been a bit since I've written.

A quick update on what's been happening in my world...

I had a baby! His name is Grayson and he's 4 months old today, which is so hard to believe. It's been an amazing, challenging, exhausting (basically all of the things!) whirlwind of a handful of months.

I had intentions of getting back to blogging and sending the newsletter regularly shortly after he was born (ha!🤦🏻‍♀️), but ya'll, the exhaustion was real! 

And to be honest, I was pretty hard on myself for not being able to just "get my shit together." 

Yes, that may have been my favorite phrase for a bit...

Anyway, a couple months ago I was chatting on the phone with a friend and fellow therapist and shared that I was disappointed with myself for not being able to do all the things I had hoped to. 

Because yes, I too am a chronic doer of all.of.the.things.

As I rambled about feeling unproductive and criticized myself for my current state of being, my dear friend interrupted saying "WHOA WHOA WHOA! Wait a minute! Can we take just a second and talk about how you just finished growing a human and how now you have to actually take care of that human?! With limited sleep? AND go back to work?! Where's the compassion for all that you are doing at??"

Yup. She called me out for allowing my inner shit-talker to take the reigns. 

And interrupting the chatter was exactly what I needed to recalibrate a bit and give myself some grace and space to be exactly where I was. Tired. Spending my mental energy on an adorably needy tiny human, my husband and my beloved brave clients who were starting back in the office. 

I'm sharing this story because it's important to remember how easy it is to allow our inner critics to drive the bus in our lives. And, because holy cow our inner critics can sound a lot like ourselves!

But, if we regularly give ourselves permission to bring awareness to how we're speaking to ourselves and how we feel after speaking to ourselves, we have the opportunity to label the shit-talking voice, hear it out, and shift to a kinder, more compassionate voice. 

Our actual voice. 

Do you know what YOUR voice sounds like? If you're anything like me, I'm sure you know what your inner-critic sounds like if she/he/they're spouting off at the mouth all the dang time. 

Something I want to encourage you to consider is that you are not your inner critic. 

Yes, your inner critic is a part of you, but your most healthy, authentic and compassionate part also exists. It may just need the grace and space to join the party.

How do we start getting to know OUR voices?

  • Bring awareness to your inner critic's voice/message. What's its message? When is it activated? Who does it sound like

  • Notice what actions/behaviors it's encouraging you to engage in. Would you advise your closest friend the same?

  • Are you compelled to take action on your inner critic's instructions? Are these behaviors in line with your values?

  • Do your best not to take action based on your inner critic's instructions.

  • Bring some curiosity to your experience. If you could channel a calm and compassionate message to yourself in the moment, what would it be?

  • Offer yourself that message.

  • Rinse and repeat.

It's easy to want our critical parts to hit the road and leave us in peace. But all of our parts exist for a reason. Once we can hear their message, embrace what it is they want us to know and make space for our healthier parts, we can turn the volume down a bit on them. 

They're welcome to the party because we don't have to give in to their peer pressure. The inner critic's voice and YOUR voice can coexist.

When in doubt, see if you can channel YOUR voice with the 3 C's.

If the voice in your head is:

Calm Curious Compassionate

you're likely getting closer to hearing, understanding and maybe even owning YOUR voice. 

Can you give yourself permission to explore a voice outside of your inner critic?

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

So happy to be back in the swing of things with you beautiful badasses!!