Reclaim You- Breaking Free from Body Image Struggles: Body Dysmorphia and Body-Shame
Season 1: Episode 8- Breaking Free from Body Image Struggles: Working Through Body Dysmorphia and Body-Shame with Emily
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Are you tired of feeling defeated by impossible, unrealistic body standards perpetuated by diet culture and the media?
Learn how to stop body checking!
Join therapists from Reclaim Therapy, Sarah and Emily, to tackle body image and body dysmorphia head-on. We'll uncover how shame and self-doubt can creep in as we struggle with these issues and explore how therapy can guide us to better understand and manage our feelings.
Discover the intersection of body dysmorphia and disordered eating as we delve into our fears of not being accepted and our desire for control. Together with Emily, we'll discuss the importance of developing self-awareness, breaking free from the cycle of shame, and embracing compassionate ways to meet our needs. Learn how to avoid body-checking and work towards overcoming feelings of defeat.
In our conversation, we also highlight the significance of connecting with others and minimizing body checking to work through deeply regulating rituals. Learn methods to disrupt these rituals while still feeling okay and understand that body image extends beyond the physical to our values, interests, and uniqueness. Lastly, we touch on the challenges of practicing acceptance and managing triggers as we navigate a culture that often fuels our frustrations.
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy!
To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team, head to www.reclaimtherapy.org.
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[00:01] Sarah: Hi there. Welcome to Reclaim You, a podcast published by the Reclaim Therapy team. Join us as we share stories, tools, and insights on how to reclaim you in the wake of trauma, disordered eating and body shame. Grab your coffee, tea, or your favorite snack and get cozy because we're about to dive in. Welcome back to reclaim you Today we're talking with Emily about body image and body dysmorphia. Really excited for this conversation. How are you doing, Emily?
[00:29] Emily: Good. How are you?
[00:31] Sarah: I'm doing well. I'm doing well. Excited to chat about all of that.
[00:35] Emily: I was excited to talk about body image and how we can work on body image.
[00:40] Sarah: When I was thinking of this, I knew that you'd be game for talking about all of the things and really getting curious about all what goes into it.
[00:48] Emily: Totally, yeah.
[00:49] Sarah: What do you feel like got you interested in? Well, I think we talked about this in your Meet Emily video. Tell us more about your interest in working with body image, self image, all that.
[01:00] Emily: Yeah, absolutely. I think that really comes from my own personal experience and journey with body image. That was something growing up. And I think a big factor in kind of how we develop body image is diet culture and kind of our exposure to diet culture, our exposure to media. So that was always something that was really a struggle for me. I would see all these celebrities and people I looked up to, and it was like, oh, they look like this. I should look like this. And I would hear how their bodies were talked about and like, this is good, this is bad. And that was kind of how I formed my own body image. And it was really hard because it was kind of set against these very impossible, unrealistic standards. And it wasn't until I graduated college was like, in my early 20s that I was kind of introduced to this other idea that, sure, body image is typically focused on the physical, but when we bring in these kind of more innate qualities and values, it helps so much with body image. It really just kind of redefined, like, I am so much more than my body. It's not just about how I look. Body image can mean so much more. Instead of just like, this is what you look like physically.
[02:31] Sarah: Love that. That feels like a really great entry point into just defining what is body image, maybe bring us into the layers of how you kind of conceptualize and.
[02:42] Emily: Define body image on its surface. Most people would define body image as how we perceive ourselves and our bodies physically. I think as we do work around body image, we bring in a lot more than just the physical. But I think most people's understanding of body image and kind of society definition of body image is very much physical. Like I was saying, I think that diet culture the media plays a big role in that. They kind of tell us, like, this is the ideal body. These are the things that you should be doing. And I think that that really kind of trickles down to the everyday person being like, okay, this is what my body is supposed to look like. So I think that that plays a big role. I also think the culture that we're in plays a big role. So based on our cultural background, I think different things are valued, different things are idealized, because if we look at it depending on your own cultural background, different things are kind of glorified. So I think that those are the biggest contributing factors to what kind of makes up body image on the surface, kind of what is the standard, and then kind of how we perceive ourselves based on that standard.
[04:05] Sarah: Yeah. So how do you feel like or how do you see that trickling down into other kind of perceptions of self? And the things that are coming to my mind right now are, like, worthiness or good enoughness or lovability what people consider is beautiful.
[04:25] Emily: Yeah, absolutely. I think it's much like diet culture world. It's very black and white. So it's like, if I look like this, if my body looks like this, if I can achieve this, I'm good, I'm worthy, I'm lovable, I'm beautiful, and if I can't something's wrong with me, I'm doing something wrong. I'm the problem.
[04:48] Sarah: Yeah. That feels so important. It's shame, right? Internalized shame of, like, there's something wrong with me. I'm the problem, I'm bad, I'm not.
[04:57] Emily: Good, all of those things, when in reality, it's just these really impossible standards that were held up against that really no one even looks like.
[05:11] Sarah: Yeah. So on the other side of this, there's body image, right. And struggles with body image. I know in our practice, a lot of folks that are working with therapists on our team are working on things around body image. And I think underneath of that is also body dysmorphia. So I'm curious if you can talk some about body dysmorphia, about what is body dysmorphia? It is like a formal diagnosis, and what are some of the ways that it shows up for people. If someone's wondering, do I struggle with body dysmorphia? What are some symptoms that they might experience around that?
[05:52] Emily: And I've heard a lot body image struggles and body dysmorphia kind of used interchangeably, but they're definitely very different. So body dysmorphia, like you were saying, it is a formal diagnosis. So you can be diagnosed by a doctor, a therapist, a psychologist, psychiatrist, but it kind of falls more on almost like the obsessive end of things. So normally, people with body dysmorphia are very preoccupied with what they look like, and that can look like spending hours focused on their appearance, what they're wearing. A lot of times there's a fixation on a body part. So it's like, I'm focusing on my nose or I'm focusing on my arms, or I'm focusing on and that can change. A lot of times it does change, but I think one of the keys there is how pervasive that is in their daily life. It really takes up a lot of time and a lot of times what they're focused in on is something that to another person probably wouldn't be noticeable at all. So it's very much this idea that this thing is very wrong or this thing is very noticeable when people are around them. Probably aren't noticing it at all.
[07:13] Sarah: I know the impact of that is really great for people who are struggling with body dysmorphia and Dysmorphic kind of tendencies. How it pulls people out of their lives and out of relationships, out of connection with themselves and other people. What are some of the I guess some of the side effects? We'll say the side effects are the results of really struggling very deeply with body dysmorphia.
[07:38] Emily: So I think that isolation piece is huge. Pulling out of relationship, saying no to connecting with others, being in social situations because there is this fear that, well, I'm so preoccupied about this perceived flaw like other people have to be as well. And then even bringing in that idea of worthiness. How could people like me, how could I be lovable with this thing? When in reality people aren't noticing this, people aren't paying attention to this. There's a big fear that people are paying so much attention to how I look or this thing that I'm worried about. So that I think that isolation piece is huge. A lot of time spent, like I was saying, like body checking, looking in the mirror, getting ready can be really difficult. There's a lot of attempts to hide the flaw. So it's whether that's through makeup, clothing I think sometimes to the extreme, there are cosmetic procedures to try to change your body. Working out, trying to change the shape of your body in that way. Yeah, I think comparison is another big one. Like constantly trying to figure out what do I look like? Can I compare myself to someone? Can I compare myself to how I look in the mirror? Can I compare myself to photos? There's comparison is a big part of it as well, I think.
[09:09] Sarah: Yeah. Even comparing a previous version of yourself to the current version of yourself and getting kind of stuck in that loop of looking and longing and what can I do to get back there or to change that? Or this is how I really look. And which can lead to more body checking and just the cycle goes and goes and goes and goes. Obviously, people who struggle with body image can struggle with maybe Dysmorphic tendencies. But someone who's really struggling with body Dysmorphia, all of those things that you shared will probably maybe show up in different ways. Of course, everyone's different, but the preoccupation and the body checking and the social isolation and just like the anxiety, it feels like the anxiety and the depression that can kind of come alongside of it feel so big.
[09:53] Emily: And I think that's the big difference there. Like, yes, people who struggle with body image can definitely have these tendencies, but I think the big difference there is just the intensity of how it spell and the time spent on focusing on some of these insecurities. It's not just I had a fleeting thought or I had a bad day, I had a bad moment. It's very all consuming to the point that some people it's hard to even leave their home.
[10:25] Sarah: Absolutely. And what you said earlier about folks, when you're out and about the people that you're with are likely not noticing whatever it is that you're focusing on. And it feels important to just kind of name that. That doesn't mean that you're wrong or there's something wrong with you for thinking that other people are going to notice this and all that comes along with that. I think what it does is it points to just like the pain and the suffering and the insecurity and that there are needs there. Sure, maybe we don't know what they are in the here and now, but there are needs there that this part of you, this body dysmorphic part is like trying to meet and trying to protect you from or shield you from.
[11:10] Emily: Absolutely. Yeah, it's definitely and that's one of the things that I think is so hurtful. A lot of times people do brush it off. It's like, oh, well, it's in your head, or like, it's a vanity, get over it. It's not. It's very real and it's so hard to go through. And I think you're right. I think it is that need and tying it back to this idea of body image and worthiness and lovability. A lot of times it is, I think that fear of, like, if people are noticing this, what are they going to think about me?
[11:47] Sarah: Right?
[11:49] Emily: Am I lovable? Am I worthy?
[11:52] Sarah: Like, am I safe to operate or function in the world just as I am? And for a lot of people, it doesn't feel that way.
[11:59] Emily: Right? And if people notice this, what does that mean for me?
[12:05] Sarah: Yeah, that feels so important to validate that. No, it's not wrong or bad. It makes sense. It makes a lot of sense.
[12:14] Emily: Yeah, absolutely.
[12:17] Sarah: So then with body dysmorphia and even just general body image struggles, the clashing of eating disorders and disordered eating, let's kind of go there. That's a big one, but let's go there as best we can.
[12:32] Emily: It is absolutely two big things stand out to me there about how these things intersect. So I think control is a big piece here and I think more on the body dysmorphia side, it's a way to change your body. So it's this idea of I don't like this, I'm fixated on this. I'm afraid that people are going to think poorly of me because of whatever it is about my body. Like, what can I do to change my body? And sometimes that is maybe I'm going to work out excessively or I'm going to control what I eat, when I eat, how much I eat. I think that that's really where those things intersect. This idea of this is a way to change my body, but it's also a way to feel in control when things feel really control.
[13:28] Sarah: Yeah, definitely. And then if you can change your body, then you may reach that lovability worthiness safety right. To operate in the world freely. And I think the question that I always think of is like, when is enough enough? Is there actually an enough? Or does it keep shape shifting and morphing?
[13:51] Emily: And unfortunately, I think it normally does keep shifting.
[13:55] Sarah: Yeah, totally.
[13:57] Emily: Because people start yeah. It's not actually about our bodies at the end of the day, it's about these things underneath. Am I lovable? Am I worthy? Am I safe to be my authentic self? And we kind of put that on our bodies, like, well, if I look a certain way, I can be. And then when our bodies change, it's this kind of very scary moment of like, well, I changed things, but I still don't feel like this, so maybe it wasn't enough. Right. And then we end up in that cycle.
[14:34] Sarah: Yeah. The cycle that's so exhausting and draining. When we think about the cycle of all of this, what are some ways that you see out of this cycle of behaviors, of thoughts, of self beliefs? Again, like another big one, but what are some things that come to mind when you think of strategies to exit the cycle or strategies to be with body dysmorphia or work with body image?
[15:01] Emily: So I think awareness of it is kind of the first big piece. It's going to be hard to work on these things if you don't understand what's going on. So having an awareness of it, talking about it, whether that's with a loved one, a support person, a professional, I think that that is always the best first step. And ideally a professional who really understands what's going on. Because there are, unfortunately, those people out there that say, oh, it's in your head, or like it's a vanity thing or it's very shaming. So I think working with someone who gets it is really important in finding ways out of that cycle because if we just kind of meet it with more shame, we're going to stay stuck.
[15:55] Sarah: Yeah. We're going to deepen it. And I'm thinking about the piling of shame and how the oppressiveness of that just keeps us cycling through the same things just with more shame.
[16:06] Emily: Yeah, absolutely. So that, I think, is a really important first step. More concretely, I think that there are things that we can try to avoid so if you're noticing that you're body checking a lot, can we try to cut down on the amount of body checking? Is there something else that would feel right to do in that moment instead? Do we need some affirmations? Do we need some sticky notes on the mirror? Like, anything that might work for you to try to take a step back from that and be like, okay, is this serving me? Is this helping me? Or how is this making me feel? And if this isn't making me feel good, is there something else that I can do that might meet my needs right now in a different way that feels more compassionate? Yeah. So I think doing some of those concrete things absolutely is helpful. Connecting with others is big because this is so isolating. I think really making that point to connect with your supports is really important as you work your way out of the cycle. Definitely.
[17:15] Sarah: And I'm thinking of that, like minimizing body checking. I think you're right. That feels so important and also very hard for people when you have these rituals of like, okay, I go to the mirror and I turn this way, and I turn that way, and I feel this, and I look at this and I zoom in on this. Right. It can become these really deep and extensive rituals to engage in again that can feel like, deeply regulating in some ways. Right. And so to start to work with some of those rituals in ways that feel okay for you, I don't think anyone in the practice is going to be like, let's smash the ritual and just see what happens. That feels really dysregulating even talking about it.
[18:04] Emily: Yeah. For everybody. There are different things that are going to feel right for different people. Right. So we just have to figure out what those things are.
[18:14] Sarah: Absolutely. And maybe it's setting a timer or changing up the order of your ritual and seeing what happens. Or like, allowing yourself to go to town for five minutes and then counter that five minutes with something that's deeply self caring. And I think you're right. When we did a recent event called Horsham Day, where our office is located, we had a mirror, a body affirmation mirror, where people could write affirmations in a sharpie or a dry erase marker just to remind people that you're so much more than your body. Can you look in this mirror with a different lens, with a different pair of glasses other than the Dysmorphic or shameful glasses that people can just default to?
[18:54] Emily: I think that's a really important second step there. So, like, yes, we can do disrupt the ritual, do affirmations, things like that. I think the second step there is, can we expand on what body image means? Can we take it past this just very physical thing? And can we bring in more of my body is just kind of the vessel that contains who I am as a person. Like, who am I as a person? What are my values? What are my interests? What makes me me? Can I start to focus on those things and kind of prioritize those things as the things that make me who I am and give me worthiness, give me kind of this innate loveability, not how I look.
[19:44] Sarah: Yeah. That shift from looking at your body to being in your body. So, like, body image versus embodiment. I think that's a great point of finding ways. And I think this is where working with a therapist can be really helpful or someone that you trust and care about and has lots of wisdom. But how to shift from that external view to the internal knowing and feeling and being so much harder than just saying it just to say that. Right? Like, to say that it's, like, lovely and it's so hard.
[20:16] Emily: Yeah. And I think another piece that's really hard, there's a lot of acceptance work, I think, as well, around maybe recognizing. Do any of us know what we look like? I think that that's a big question that can come up in this work. If I can just figure out what I look like, I'll feel okay, I won't feel so anxious. These things will get better. And I've seen it in clients, and I've seen it with myself. Like this acceptance piece of we're not going to know that, and that's okay because at the end of the day, that's not what makes me important. That's not what makes me worthy. It's these things within me.
[20:55] Sarah: Yeah, definitely.
[20:56] Emily: Again, another thing that's much easier to say than kind of wrap your head around and actually practice. But I think that that's another really important piece there as well.
[21:06] Sarah: Yeah. And when you just said the word practice, that it stands out so much because remembering for everyone, right? For us as humans in the world, like body image, body stuff, it's this lifelong journey, really, and it's these practices that bring you back to yourself. We're all going to have body image triggers because we live in a really ****** culture. Right? There's lots of expectations, lots of norms, quote unquote. And it's like, how can we come back to the practice? How can we come back to embodiment? How can we accept that? Even accepting that you don't like your body to accept that and not deepen into shame because you think you should like your body, right. That can be so altering for your experience in the world.
[21:51] Emily: Absolutely. And I always like to stress that with clients because I think it can be such a frustrating point to get stuck at because we hear all these things about body positivity, and it's like, I have to love my body all the time. And I think a lot of times clients and I've been there as well, you get so frustrated because it's like, I'm doing this work but I'm still having these thoughts. I don't like how this looks. I don't like how that looks. And it's very much well, I'm not making progress. And I always like to point out what you just said. In the world that we live in, we're going to have triggers. We're going to have days where we don't feel great about the way that we look. It's learning. How can we respond to that? How can we respond to that in a more compassionate way instead of in a way like you were saying, I feel shame. I have to change something. Something's wrong with me. I should be different in this journey. Right. Those thoughts are very normal. So, yeah, I love that you pointed that out, because I think that that is something that we don't acknowledge enough. That just because you have a thought like that, it doesn't mean that you're not making progress. And then working on body image.
[23:06] Sarah: Definitely. Are there any other tips or concrete tools that you have off the top of your head that could be supportive for someone who's tuning in or watching and thinking, this is interesting, maybe I could try a little something. And of course, we're not your therapist, right? Like, not your therapist. And, like, there are some little tips and tools that you can take with you, maybe.
[23:28] Emily: Yeah. So talk to your therapist.
[23:32] Sarah: Always. First.
[23:34] Emily: Always. Yeah. I think going on the idea of embodiment, because I think embodiment is such a big part of this work. Can we bring in some mindfulness? Can we bring in some grounding? Can we do a body scan and just kind of see what's coming up? Like, what am I feeling? Can we do something mindful? Like go for a mindful walk, listen to some music, see how that feels in our body? Can we do some gentle stretching, yoga, things like that, just to really start to understand, like, this is how my body feels, and I'm able to kind of tune into that instead of having this situation where it's like, me against my body, how can I learn how to work with my body? And there are ways to start to do that.
[24:26] Sarah: Yeah, and when you said that, I thought of a poet, and I'd have to look up the exact quote that they said because I can't totally remember it, but it was something along the lines of, can you look in the mirror and gaze back at yourself? And can that just be enough? I don't know why that popped into my head as you were saying that. I'm going to have to look that up and put it in the show notes. But it feels important to be able to gaze back at yourself with acknowledgment and what it feels like to be on the other side of that, tapping into all that swirling inside. Or maybe it's not swirling. I don't know. Everyone's different, but that just kind of popped into my head when you were sharing that.
[25:07] Emily: I think sometimes the embodiment work, it sounds intimidating sometimes, and it is. There's a lot of work there. But I think sometimes acknowledging, like, yes, embodiment work is very, very important when working with body image, body dysmorphia. But there are these ways to kind of get started with that, to kind of tune in more, whether that is through something mindful, something grounding. I always kind of recommend that as well. What's something easy to just start to get you in touch with your body.
[25:37] Sarah: Yeah, like a tiptoe in, you don't have to stay there, right? You don't have to stay there. But maybe this bid for relationship can be enough.
[25:45] Emily: And something make it enjoyable, make it as not intimidating as possible. So if that's like, I just want to kind of sit, do a short meditation, or I want to listen to music and dance and move my body in that way and see how it feels, or I want to go for a walk and focus on what I can hear. Like something like that that just feels safe, comforting, but at the same time is still getting affected. And I think my favorite kind of concrete tool, if it works for you, is Affirmations. Just being able to kind of recenter reground in that way of just having an affirmation that feels good and put it up if you need to, if that feels helpful. If there's a mirror that you tend to body check in or an area or something like that, put your affirmations up to really remind yourself, I'm more than this. I'm more than just my body.
[26:48] Sarah: Yeah. And if you're in need of some Affirmations shameless plug, we do a real once per week of body affirmations where everyone in every therapist in the practice shares a body affirmation that, like I said, we post once per week. So head over to Instagram and check that out. There's what's it called, a highlight in the Instagram profile. That's all of the body affirmation reels that we've done so far. So there's some really just nice places to start. If you're interested in getting curious about body affirmations and what lands and what doesn't land well. Thank you so much, Emily. There's a really helpful tools and little tips and food for thought, I think, for anyone who's on this journey of body image work, which I think is most people.
[27:34] Emily: Yeah.
[27:34] Sarah: So thank you.
[27:35] Emily: Of course. It was great chatting.
[27:37] Sarah: Okay, everybody, we will be back next week with another episode with Casey. And if you're looking for body image support, eating disorder support, or trauma treatment, head over to our website at www.reclaimtherapy.org. Check us out and let us know if you have any questions. See you later. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Reclaim You. Be sure to, like, comment and subscribe and check us out on YouTube at reclaim. You if you're looking to start therapy for trauma disordered eating or body image concerns, head over to our website at www.reclaimtherapy.org to learn more about us and our work. We'll be back next week with another episode. Until till then, take good care of yourself.
Reclaim therapy provides specialized body image therapy in Pennsylvania for body image issues. We also provide eating disorder treatment in Pennsylvania and therapy for PTSD and CPTSD.
Struggling with body image issues is painful, and often time, steeped in shame. Our body image therapists want you to know that you’re not alone, and you deserve support to navigate healing from body-shame. We provide eating disorder therapy in Pennsylvania, along with therapy for childhood trauma near me and body image counseling near me.
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